In all Fairness!!!!

FAIRNESS.....................(FAIR)--- marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism.


Its instealed in us, from the time of birth "you need to play fair, or be fair". But honestly how many of us can say we are all fair in everything. I can honestly say i for one, am not "FAIR" 100% of the time. I choose to be that way, others deserve differant treatment then others.

Yesterday i was asked " If you let your mother-in-lawbuy you the crib, What are you going to do about Michaels biological dad (no i will not call him my father in law..just to hard)???

I thought about it and said "Well if he made the effort to contact "HIS" son and asked what he could do or if he could be there...........I might consider it but that would be completly up to MICHAEL. for this reason right here, Since i have been in the picture "he" hasnt tryed to make an effort to atleast send a text, or anything. "He" has choosen not to attemped contact so its all up to MICHAEL!!"

I got home and told Michael of this conversation, I could tell he was alittle flusted by my answer but he could except that. Both of my in-laws have said some pretty mean things in anger but so have I. I wont play innoccent, I admit i dont like michaels bio dad, he just hits a nerve that send shock waves down my back. "He" has ALWAYS played favorites, Michael stuck out his neck when he graduated college with his bachelors(in which i had made him) and got his neck chooped off. So I completly knew where michael was coming from. Michael doesn't want a quid-pro-quo situtation with his dad any more than i want one with his mother.

I know in the end i need to be FAIR and not treat either one of them differant but i can honestly say its going to be easier to let my mother-in-law back in than it would be for me to let "bio-dad' in. Just for the mer fact that SHE has atleast made some what of an effort to get to know me and not judge me for the color of my skin or the 1/2 part i am....yes thats Michaels "bio dads" issue sad but true.

If i am going to "make" the effort to forgive him, Will he make the effort to try to get to "know" ME?????

Trusting?????

Lately i have thought long and hard about trust.
     Can i "make" someone trust me?
     How can i promise something and not "TRUST" that person?

Between mother-in-laws and brother-in-laws I am having a hard time trusting people. Dont get me wrong I love my Husband, but his "Real" family is alittle hard to believe that he is realated to them. His mother is a Strong woman for raising two amazing and strong men, but there comes a point in which you need to let them "fly and FALL". I know i am not a mother yet but coming from an inoccent by stander(at on point). Dont get me wrong my mother in law was great....in the begganing.....then when it came down to the "I'll except what ever you, my son, chooses", she wasnt there. My husband has always been a sensitive to others feelings, and wether or not they accept him and i know for a FACT this hurt. It was all over a "simple" name change, in which he was planning on using her dads( her maiden name) and his uncles last names. But because of previous altercations with My mother-in-law i knew that him including his uncle last name would be hard for her to swallow. My husband biological dad(since i had been in the picture) had never once contacted him, yes the phone goes both ways but it would have been nice to see him take the leap. After me and his bio-dad had an altercation, My husband had dedecided it was time to make a change.

Here came WW3. IT BLEW WAY TO FAR UP.

My husbands family could understand WHY? Did he have no pride? Was Cassie forsing his hand? why NOW? I just knew those were the questions flying around. My husband-Michael- had explained it a million and one times WHY he was doing it. Certian people, i felt like, blamed ME. beacause i had the altercation with michaels bio-dad and things were said in which i cant change. But Michael had been thinking about this long before ME. But because i told him we could do it if he really wanted to, He finally agreed. I told him that if he was going to change his name atleast do it before we got married( at the time the wedding wasnt until december), so i didnt have to change my name twice. That was, and still is, the only stipulation i put on the name change.

I have always been a people pleaser. I grew up with a mom AND a dad. so for Michael not HAVE both i just had so many questions, in which he was happy to answer. I really didnt want him to make his mom angry but if it made MICHAEL happy i was ALLL about it. He deserved to be happy and not have a question about HIS identity. So when his mother AND BROTHER (which i never saw coming) both refused to Try to accept his desion, it hurt me. I wanted everyone to try to accept what MICHAEL wanted to do for a change. I mean his brother did run away and get married, without family, and michael was beganning to accept that fact. It was hard trust me watching my husband go though a BIG change in his life where HIS FAMILY could or didnt want to try to accept HIS DECSION.

Today, i still HOPE for her and his brother to come around, not only for Michaels sake but for our unborn daughter. Kennedy deserves a "FAMILY" but i dont want them there out of obligation. I dont want my daughter to be their obligation. I guess in the end i just have to wait and see, I mean my mother-in-law wants to help buy kennedy her crib.

Should i trust her enough to know that there wont be a quid-pro-quo situation here?
Can I trust her enough to know that if i or my husband say something wrong she wont through it back in our faces?

I JUST WISH I COULD FULLY TRUST IN THE GOOD OF PEOPLE!!!!

For Names Sake!!!!

Whats in a name??
     Is it love?  Is it care? Is a name some sort of indication of who you will turn out to be?

Since the day we found out we were having a baby, we started discussing names.
   Jaxson
   Jimmy
   Johnathen
Fallyn
Kennedy
Ameilia
Rose
  
There were so many to choose from. How would we chooes???????????????
   I knew I wanted to give our child a "family" name. Something that when they got older and asked "why did you name me.........?" I could answer and tell them they were named after "this person for this reason". My husband felt the same way.

The moment we found out SHE was a SHE, I knew instantly what her name would be. KENNEDY FALLYN!!!

Kennedy Fallyn Thomas-Fuller gets her name from My Grandfather, My best friend, My Greatest FEAR. Yes i feared My grandfather. Kenneth E Fallin was my best friend and grandpa( popi). He passed away 4Yrs ago this Novemember. He was an amazingly STRONG person, someone i wanted Kennedy to be like. Popi Probably wouldnt like that I was naming my daughter after him, but in the end I think he would be SOOOOOOO proud. He would be there right beside me at EVERY dr appointment. He would be asking the questions I cant think of or to afraid to ask. But I know in my heart He is. He walks beside me, holds my hand, and supports me through this WHOLE pregnancy.

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!!!!!!!

i HEART you!! (2/20/12)

So while February 20th was filled with exciment and love. February 20th was also filled a scared and matched feeling EVER.

    This day we found out that our daughter could possiblly have "Hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS)". Which is where her left venrtical is not formed or not formed correcttly. At that moment my heart SANK. I had so many question....would she live?.....What her life expantancy was?....Could she live with it? While me and my husband waited for the drs to get back to me i bagan to think back, Had i done this to her? Was there some way some how i had HURT my unborn child? My husband didnt say much but i knew he was thinking the smae way.

 











We got and appointment with a pediatric cardiologist a couple of weeks later. But durning the time frame i did everything to stay away from everything. I began to trust in God alittle bit more. He had given me and my husband this little girl not only to show us his love but to show us we were strong.....at the time i was angry with him, why me? is all i would ask. But it took an act of Gods good will to show me I was strong enought to handle this.
     The appoinmentt time came and the cardiologist was AMAZING. He told us that everything was going to be fine that the left chamber was a good pumping chamber but he wanted to see us back in a couple of months. So we sat up a  time and waited for that appointment.

May 15th, 2012

This was was exciting and sscary at the same time. I wondered what the cardiologist would say or do. We went back when we were call, the Dr came in. He told us the chamber had grown and was still a good pumping chamber but there was a 8mm hole in her heart and her mitral valve was uncomfortably tiny. but he want to see us back in 2-3 weeks to see where we were at that point and to discuss our options.

June 19th, 2012--- This day we found out what we would expect at delivery. Today the cadriologist told us Our daughter had "Mitrial Valve Stenosis", and a possible disruption of the desending ahorta, and a 5-4mm hole in her heart. Yes the hole had to began to heal its self but her mirtal valve was still way to tiny for her to survive on. The disruption of her ahorta he was still unsure about but he wanted to scan her after delivery in the NICU. I took this all as "good news" She would live and thrive as a normal human being. Yes this all did test my faith but in the end i was thankful God had given this presious little girl to me.

2/20/12--Seamonkey Boy? or Girl?

Monday, Febuary 20th at 2:30pm

As i sit waiting in a waiting room FULL of half way past done pregnant women. I wondered what this little human inside of me would turn out to be.

My husband sat beside me, Not know what was going on in his mind. I began to wonder if "Seamonkey" would take after him or me.


They called our name, we went back. I sat in the chair.

IT WAS A GIRL!!!!!!!

To my surprise, SHE was a She. I cryed alittle I had wanted a little boy but SHE would still make my world go round.

11/3/11

11/3/11


5:40am


I had awaken just like i had done every morning.






Except......I took 4 test....Just to make sure.




ALL POSITIVE!!!!!!


Are you kidding me? ME, a mom!!!!!


As i walked in to the bedroom to awaken My husband i was alittle scared, i didnt know if he would be as excited as i was.
I leaned over the bed and said "honey you need to come see something"....he said" what did the dog get into this time????" I walked him into the bathroom where i had layed out all the test...He looked at me and said "really you needed 4 test, one or two would have done you".....I didnt know how to take that but i still waited for a responce. He turn to me with a smile and said "Well i guess i need to start saving!!!"

9/6/2011

Some little Girls dream of this day FOR YEARS......Me not so much.
I had found my prince Charming, Had the dress all ready to go. But For some reason this day wasnt like the rest. First off we had planned in in 2 months or less. And second My husbands mother wasnt suportive AT ALL. Me and my future husband had been dating for 3 years but for some reason she didnt approve. So needless to say we did it with out her involvment.

At a half past 6, we said our "I do's" and our vows( in which we had writen ourselfs). Then had a small quant reseption. We enjoyed just being able to say we had done it all because no matter what "we loved each other".

As the night slowly disapated, we made our way back to "our" house to be with our "children"(our four legged children). We came into a house that was filled with love and encourgagement that we had made in to our own. Only thing that could have made it better was.........NOTHING. I had it all....loving husband....loving home....and VERY loving pets.