Our move

Ok So by now most of our family knows we are moving a select few know where to..... If you would like to know JUST ASK.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some More good news.........We are going to start "ordering"(as stetsyn put it) for a Brother/sister for Kennedy....and i say FOR because no matter what KENNEDY will be our oldest.

Regular VS Heart

 

Stole this from a Kennedy's aunt but it goes for heart moms....

 

 

Regular moms have the numbers of their friends programmed into their cell phone...

s.
 Heart kid moms have the numbers of their child's specialists programmed in theirs.

Regular moms give a "time out" to their children.
 Heart kid moms look forward to a "time out" for themselves.

Regular moms volunteer in the classroom to help out.
 Heart kid moms volunteer so they can take notes on whether the school program is appropriate for their child.

Regular moms rely on children's vitamins and common cold medicines to meet their kids health needs.
 Heart kid moms are busy being medical detectives using medicines and supplements a pharmacist can barely pronounce.

Regular moms send Christmas cards to their friends and family.
 Heart kid moms send Christmas cards to friends, family AND the medical team and specialists that help take care of their child.

Regular moms think OT stands for over time.
 Heart kid moms hear OT and think occupational therapy.
Regular moms think PT means part-time.
 Heart kid moms hear PT and think physical therapy.

Regular moms are on a first name basis with other moms in their neighborhood.
 Heart kid moms are on a first name basis with their child's pediatrician, nephrologist, gastroenterologist and other specialists.

Regular moms say, "I wish my child would stop growing!"
 Heart kid moms pray every night their failure to thrive child grows.

Regular moms put their children to bed and get a good night's sleep.
 Heart kid moms monitor machines and masks, apnea monitors, tubes and often feed their children through feeding tubes through the night.

Regular moms most often simply recognize and acknowledge their child's developmental milestones.
 Heart kid moms realize what a miracle the human body is to be able to do what it does after spending hundreds of hours teaching our kids to roll over, crawl, walk, eat, play, etc.

Regular moms ask the local babysitter to watch the kids on date night.
 Heart kid moms call a nursing agency when they have to leave her child home for emergencies only.

Regular moms forward funny mom e-mails to each other.
 Heart kid moms can only send this list to other special needs moms--regular moms would be offended if we suggest they don't understand what we deal with every day

 

 

Hope this doesnt offend Just Makes you think alittle harder before you grip about your child.

 

I had a friend email me this...Names wont be involed youknow who you are and this made my day THANK YOU!!!!

 

""I just had to write to you. I watched the video that you made of your journey with your daughter. I couldn't even finish it. It made me go in and stand next to Payten while she was sleeping in her crib and just cry. I have to say that I have so much respect and admiration for you and your husband. I can't imagine going through what you have gone through. I love the way you talk about Kennedy and share her story. Its incredible how you also share the stories of other babies. I just wanted you to know that her story has really touched me. I never fail to thank God every day for everything he has given me. You and your daughter have helped me realize how blessed I truly am. Thank you for sharing your story on facebook. You are an incredible person. Good luck and God Bless.""

 

I AM.......

I am.....

• a MOM
• a HEART mom
• a ANGEL heart mom

Most importantly I AM ME!!! I have changed but i have been thru soo much how can i not have changed.

I never thought about being a HEART MOM i only thought about being a "soccermom" football mom" "cheermom"....But never a HEART MOM! I Love being a heart mom, Lets just say not just anyone can be a "Heart mom". It takes someone with Love, compassion, PATIENCE lots and lots of patience.
Anyone can have a "normal" baby but only the elite get to have a HEART BABY!!!

I LOST A CHILD not a puppy!!

 

Stop walking on thin ice, i am not going to blow up. Yes, I might cry, yes i might get sad....But stop walking on ice. I feel it. People ask "why do you post pictures of kennedy still?'...Just because she is in Heaven doesnt mean she stops being MY DAUGHTER. I am just as proud of her as you are of you living child!!!

 

 

 

 

I lost my child today
People came to weep and cry
as I just sat and stared, dry eyed
They struggled to find words to say
to try and make the pain go away
...

I walked the floor in disbelief
I lost my child today.

I lost my child last month
Most of the people went away
Some still call and some still stay
I wait to wake up from this dream
This can't be real, I want to scream
Yet everything is locked inside
God, help me, I want to die
I lost my child last month.

I lost my child last year
Now people who had came, have gone
I sit and struggle all day long
to bear the pain so deep inside
And now my friends just question Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song
Good heavens, it has been so long
I lost my child last year.

Time has not moved on for me
The numbness it has disappeared
My eyes have now cried many tears
I see the look upon your face
"She must move on and leave this place"
Yet I am trapped right here in time
The song’s the same, as is the rhyme
I lost my child.........today --Netta Wilson

Take notes!!

20 Things Grieving Parents Wish You Would Remember!

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my child. The truth is just because you never saw my child doesn't mean he or she doesn't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my child and I cried you didn't
think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my child. The truth is I need to cry and ...talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.

3. I wish that you could talk about my child more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my
child. The truth is I love my child and need to talk about him or her.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my child has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my child, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my child are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my child never existed. The truth is we both know I had a child growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is loosing my child doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.

12. I wish you wouldn't think that my child wasn't really a child and it was blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my child was a human life. My child had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my child's body and face. My child was a real person.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my child has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you'll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace this baby. Babies aren't interchangeable. Besides, you do not know whether we have fertility problems too.

16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?



Just think before you Speak!!

Reality verses...........?

Over the weekend me and my husband had a movie night, IT WAS AMAZING!!!
But NEVER watch"what to expect when your expecting" after you have lost a child. Movies never EVER show a "special" baby i.e. heart baby, CDH baby. they never show the struggles of have lost a baby. They never show the stuggles of haveing a "special" baby and when the do they glorify it. Thats what makes teenagers want to have one, Hollywood gloryifys haveing a baby.

I will admit when i found out i was prego, i thought yay a happy "perfect" baby. But then we found out she had a Heart condition. Having Never Seen this before, I started to blame myself, unconsciencely i blamed my husband as well. I was 20-21 weeks when Kennedy was diagnosed with Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT THIS IN MOVIES. WHY???? Show teenagers/ general public whats its like to have a "SPECIAL" baby. Kennedy was "perfect" in the eyes of GOD, Just not in the worlds veiw.

The public need to know this can happen to ANYONE. No one person is "more"likly to have a "special" baby.

Our Journey with the Girl with the broken Heart!

How to tell....

I have been thinking lately

• how do we tell our next child that they aren't our first?
• How/when do we start telling them about Kennedy?
• When is the right time to try from a brother and sister?
• how do we go about telling the family we are trying? or do we keep it Private?
• if its a girl do we use the same stuff?(we would if kenni was still here on earth)

So many questions....Not enough answers.

Finally sat and listen to a few songs and music was mine and Kennedy thing its a way we bonded.

This was HER SONG.....She absolutly loved it!

My song to Her.

Loves and Huggs

Final piece of our little puzzle

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take

 

 

One for the price of TWO

Today i feel sad...idk why but its just one of those days.

Last night i thought about one of my favorite shows "privite practice".....Amilea Lost her baby whom was born with no brain, I know big differance but one in the same. I can sympothize with her. Today i just feel empty, lost like i am running a rat race with no end. I cry not because i am sad i cry because i miss my baby. In two weeks "privite practice" starts again, I can only wonder how she is going to handle all of her grief....is she going to be like me? is she going to go into a depression? How do the others treat her? do they walk on egg shells(like everyone has dont with me)? or are they going to treat her like a normal person?

Loves and Kisses Monkey Girl!!!!

Kennedy's Story

Kennedy Fallyn Thomas-Fuller 7/5-27/2012 Hypoplastic left heart syndrom and Mitral valve stenosis

I wondered how many people Kennedys story has touched. If her story has touch you just simply comment with your first name. For thoughs who dont know heres Her Story.

 

I came to Earth, To help two people realize they are important and strong. My mommy loved me and talked to me and told me of my family. I really wanted to meet all of them but MY FATHER called me home way too soon. My daddy sat beside me and held my hand, He...

was my rock he told me i was strong....and I WAS. I went through so much, more than any person should have to. It hurt me to watch my parents go through this, but MY FATHER said he would help and guide them. I love my mommy and daddy soooooo much it hurt me to have to say good bye, but mommy and daddy didnt say" good-bye" they said "I'll see you later". That made me real happy that i get to see them soon. When I made it back to MY FATHER, he told me that i need to get mommy and daddies home ready. So as i sit up here watching my parents hurt and cry, I am happy to now that MY FATHER is guiding them and helping them through this process. I visit them often, i place my hand on their sholder and kiss their cheek. They dont know when i am there but i know my mommy feels it in her heart. I whisper in mommies and daddies ears that i love them and I"LL SEE YOU SOON!!

 

 

 



Crying Over.......

MASHED POTATOS!!!!

 

Yes i cryed over mashed potatos.I have made them a million times. But yet this one time i mess them up I CRY!!!!

 

When i stop to think about it i cry alot lately. But no worries i have asked it is safe.

 

Heart babies are sent here for a reason, They are the STRONGEST Angels God has.

Its not just the parent that learn a lesson but the ANGEL. We dont know why but they need to learn it.

 

Kennedy was an Angel, she earned every feather in her wings. As me and michael discuss when to try again and wiether or not to, I told him Kennedy gets to choose our next one. I hadnt really thought about it but what parent can say Their child CHOOSE their other children....Not to many.

 

Yes me and michael are considering having more but this really is hard for both but stay tuned more news.

Just for the record!!

Ok, To clear the air..... I dont care if my friends get pregnant. It matters how much they rub it in my face. I get it you have something i dont, but what you dont realize......I didnt grip that she never made it home. You grip about wakeing up to pee or to change diaper. What i would give just to do that, do you not understand YOU ARE BLESSD. You get disgusted when i post pictures of my daughter....SHE IS A WARRIOR, not a monster dont look at her that way. She FOUGHT!!! SHE LOST!! But she TRYED.....More than what you can say right? Dont complain...If you get pregnant...dont complain and take care of your self. Thats something that bugs me, NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF....I did everything by the book and My daughter still got a CHD.

I was a statisic. You how ever are in the majority with a "NORMAL: baby"....BE BLESSED. I have a 5% chance of having another with a CHD, you however have a 1-2%...see my issue. But yet you would be the one that get angry if i get pregnant again. saying things like " she is pregnant AGAIN, oh yeah she just had one it died so she had to replace it with another on." MY CHILD IS NOT AN IT!!! Yes she PASSED away, Yes i just had her, but no i am not replacing her. She will always be our first. Now wouldnt you love to have the task of telling your other children about the older siser lwhich they have never met or will never know.

So no i wont get mad if friends get pregnant(there choice), just be causious on how you say things, and make sure you take care of youself. And get a pulse ox when the baby is born.

Million dollar baby!!

Kenni's final bill arrived...thank GOD she was fully covered!!!

 

 

Song is only fitting!!!!! Mommy loves you Kennedy!!

One year today!!

One Year ago today (labor day)...I was in a rehearsal that lead to ONE BIG DESISION!!!!!! A desision i am sooooo happy i did. I am more in love with my husband now then ever.

Our daughter was the biggest bump we have had. But she was our greatest treasure.

Strong Enough by Mathew West has been our theme song.



When i think about all i have been through, I thank God for giving me MICHAEL. Without him i would probably be a basket case.

Stealing Cinderella was/still is our song. I love you For ever and ever.