The Rainbow Project- Half My Heart Photography

Thoughts....

Sometimes I ask myself "I wonder if THEY miss us or If THEY think about how we are doing?"

As most of yall know My husbands Bio-Dad isnt in our lives. While taking photos of my husband with our son i thought to myself 'i wonder if he cares im having to help his son learn how to become a father? I wonder if he wants to see his first and only grandson?'

Truth is if he called Mike would answer, mike would consider forgiving and forgetting. all he would have to do IS CALL and PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED!!!!!

I just wonder if he wants that relationship. I wonder if he wonders about Michael. 

hmmmmmmmmmm

I also wonder about other family members wonder what it might be like to see our rainbow in person???

Every Moment

That Moment that brings all those feeling back. That one song that comes on. That Feeling you once thought you had a handle on come back like a thousand times stronger. 

       You don't know until you've been there done it. Having to make that hard decision to let them go. Hearing the drs say there nothing more they can do. And that what was possible is. Having what seems like seconds when its hours to make. Watching you family met this tiny person for the first and the last time. Trying to make since of something that once was sooooo far away. Wanting it all to be fake. wanting it to be a cruel joke. Wanting just that much longer. Happy because they will be no longer struggling. Sad because your loosing something you created. Happy Because you know whats waiting for her. Angry because it no fair. 

 And then Having to Snap back into reallity because you have your Rainbow. Who looks alot like Her. Grieving the things Kennedy didnt but Happy to get to do them with Jimmie. Grief comes in waves some days stronger than others. Every wave get eaiser to take. Some days you just want to lay in bed but knowing your child needs you is stronger. Having a rainbow is HARD but rewarding. Its a daily Struggle that you have to continue to move forward......