The Thomas-Fuller's: The Reason For the Season!

In Light of resent events...all family(ish) related. I decided to take to my blogg and share my feelings. so with coffee in hand ill share.

Before Kennedy was Born i sat down and wrote in her baby book. I wrote all sorts of things from memories to hopes and dreams. There's this section for the parents to write a letter to there child. I wrote to her before I held her in my arms, just in case there was no holding in my arms outside of the womb. I want to share that with yall.......

" Kennedy,

One day when you read this I want you to know how much of a blessing you are. You are very Special to both your dad and I. You are also a big blessing to the family. I will always love you and support you. Although we may not always get along, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. No matter what you can always come to your dad and I..............................................................................................................................................................................................................."

I don't think I ever Finished it partly because i never wanted her story to end. I didn't want to think of what happens next. I didn't want to read the words "The End" in the Book Of Kennedy. But when It happened I Couldn't finish her letter,partly because i knew she'd never read it, she'd never see her baby book and look at her tiny little feet and hands. She'd never laugh at the silly things i wrote down for her. But as i sit here watching Our Little Rainbow grow up to fast, I think to myself, Why am i sad? She lives on threw me and Her dad and Her Baby Brother. She gives hope to us throw small things her brother does. Kennedy's story wont ever really "be over" but yet live on differently than I had hoped. Its the small things in Life that matter the most, not the first or even the last, but yet the smiles, the small achievements or even the passing of Gas (inside joke). Those things will live on Forever and be remembered the most. As i skim through her baby book I remember the funny things I wrote down, I remember the pictures we took, I remember KENNEDY FALLYN THOMAS-FULLER the way, She wanted us to remember her. Writing things down in a baby book might not be for the child but yet the Parents, to remember the good times, the hard and just simply to remember the Child.

Christmas season is when i feel the closest to Kennedy, mainly because it was the last time before the Heart diagnosis, that i truly remember being HAPPY. Dont get me wrong, I'm happy, but a different Happy. Loosing a child makes you change YOURSELF, your visions of the world, your expectations of the everyday emotions. You have to "let go" of your expectations of everything and find the new you. I have always, always been a very positive person, everything happens for a reason, wither we like it or not. So when it comes to Christmas season, I know there's a reason for me to be excited to see lights, trees, family..... My daughter.....she wants me to be TRULY happy. The kind of happy i felt when she was safe in my womb. For me i could have Christmas.... ALL YEAR!!